When you sit down and make an outline of how you would like your life to look, you consider your relationships, career, passions, how to make your life feel purposeful…and left are all these spaces in between those words and intentions that are totally uncontrollable and unpredictable. Those spaces actually control your life more than you do.
I was reminded of this recently when I wanted someone close to me in my life to react a certain way, to tap into her own emotion and not discard whatever feelings were surfacing for her during our conversation. She continued to change the subject to avoid this confrontation. Our conversation ended in giving each other the silent treatment because we couldn’t agree on how to communicate the way we felt and we couldn’t compromise on a solution to the problem. And while I was very frustrated for a while afterwards, and hurt, I later realized that she was at her comfort limit, and people shouldn’t be scolded for how uncomfortable they are in feeling their own emotions. Because emotions are tough shit to reckon with, which why most people have very effective coping mechanisms to avoid coming face-to-face with them. As much as I would love to have the perfect relationship with this person, in my eyes, (ie: be open with our emotions, be rational but understanding in our disagreements, and open-minded towards all opinions and decisions) it is more important for me to show love and respect to her by giving her space to be herself, and honor her limitations, not force her to push past them.
You can change yourself, but you can’t change others if they aren’t seeking out your guidance. Show love to the ones you love by accepting them for who they are, in all their faults, instead of trying to mold them into the perfect image of them according to you. Let them be the perfect image of them, according to them.
pictured: Saratoga Battlefield